The Last Seduction Page 5

  “God damn it.”

  The woman turned. “Sorry, I’m looking for twenty-three oh three. Must be the next one over.” She started to leave, and Hannah had to step outside to stop her.

  “No.” She grabbed her forehead in defeat. “You’re at the right place.”

  “Oh.” The woman turned. “I’m Charlie, the home care nurse?”

  “Of course.” Hannah shook her strong hand. Of course it’s strong. Aren’t you just perfect? “Forgive me, I was thinking of something else.”

  Charlie didn’t seem sure what to make of her behavior.

  “Please, come in.” Hannah led the way into the kitchen after closing the door behind them. And she didn’t miss the double-take Sasha did when she caught first sight of Charlie. It made her heart all the more sick.

  “Sash, this is—”

  “Charlie. Hi. I’m your nurse.” They shook hands and both wore beaming smiles.

  Hannah wanted to vomit.

  Casey raised an obvious eyebrow. She elbowed him.

  Then she stood behind the counter with her arms crossed, watching the exchange before her. Charlie had taken a seat next to Sasha and was happily explaining the upcoming process. She was tenderly touching Sasha’s arm, examining her PICC line, going over the antibiotic and the treatment. Then she gently touched her forehead.

  “I think you might still be running a fever.”

  “I don’t feel like I am,” Sasha said.

  Charlie fished out a thermometer and delicately moved Sasha’s hair from her ear. It was such a sensual move it caused Sasha to inhale suddenly and blush.

  Hannah cleared her throat at the sight of Sasha’s red cheeks.

  Sasha gave her a dirty look. “Would you mind giving me some privacy, Hannah?”

  Hannah felt her chin hit the floor. She began to stammer, but Casey grabbed her arm and led her away to the living room. When they reached the couch, Hannah jerked her arm away.

  “Thanks for the help,” she sneered at him.

  “If you get any more jealous you’ll turn green.”

  “Yeah, well, so be it.”

  He cupped her elbow to stop her from returning to the kitchen. “Mom, stop. You’re being an ass.”

  “Did you see that woman? Did you see Sasha?”

  “Yes, I saw. But Sasha isn’t with you anymore.”

  Hannah pulled her arm away again and let it drop. His words sank in, and she just about fell to the floor and melted into the carpet. She was totally and completely helpless. And Sasha might as well be as good as gone.

  She sank onto the couch and ran her fingers through her hair. “Damn it, Casey. I don’t know if I can do this. She wants nothing to do with me. Not a thing. I might as well not exist.”

  He sat next to her and placed his plate on the table next to the couch.

  “I know, Mom. This sucks. But this is what it is.”

  “I just wish I could go back, take it all back. Do it all over.” She heard laughter come from the kitchen and her stomach churned. “I’ve got to get out of here. I can’t do this.”

  “Mom.”

  “I can’t.” She stood and hurried to the garage door. She took her keys from the hook and walked out with Casey calling after her.

  * * *

  “I don’t understand. Don’t you want a beer or two to at least calm you a bit? I mean you just left Sasha with a tiger shark.”

  Hannah looked up from her Coke to her long time friend Mickey who was looking at her like she was absolutely out of her mind crazy.

  “No, no way. I need to think. To strategize. If I drink I won’t give a fuck, and that’s been the problem.”

  “Suit yourself.” Mickey poured herself another from the pitcher of Miller in front of her. She slid a piece of pizza onto her plate and smothered it with crushed red pepper until not a speck of cheese could be seen. Then she turned her ball cap backward and leaned in for a big bite.

  Hannah watched still feeling sick, still seeing Charlie brush Sasha’s hair from her ear. She gulped at her Coke, but she knew nothing short of a miracle would help.

  “What can I do? I’ve got to do something.”

  Mickey shrugged. “If you ask me I don’t think Sasha will care one way or another. Seems no matter what you do she’s unhappy.”

  This wasn’t the first time Hannah had heard such words from Mickey. She knew how she felt, and she also knew that Mickey had a bit of a thing for her. But still, she chose to be around her because she was fun and brutally honest, and she needed an honest friend right now. Even if she didn’t sing Sasha’s praises.

  “She’s who I want, Mick. So I’m not giving up.”

  “You’re into masochism, my friend.”

  Hannah shook her head. “You don’t get it. She nearly died in my arms. You don’t know what that does to you. How it makes you see things. How it reaches in, grabs your fucking heart, and shakes all kinds of sense into it. I’ll never get over that and I’ll never get over Sasha. She’s who I want to be with. I know it without any shadow of a doubt.”

  Mickey wiped her mouth and took several large swigs of her beer. She stared off for a long few moments, and Hannah knew she hadn’t necessarily liked what she’d just heard.

  “I guess I can’t argue with that.”

  “No, no one can.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you. You can’t control people and how they feel. I’m just worried you’ll do nothing but bang your head up against a wall.”

  “Well, if that’s what it takes, that’s what it takes.”

  “And if she never comes around?”

  “She will.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I know Sasha. Better than anyone. And I know she loves me. No matter how she behaves or what she says.”

  “And how do you know that? I mean no one can really know.”

  “I do.”

  Mickey met her gaze with her green eyes.

  “She told me. When we were in the ambulance. She said so.”

  Mickey twirled her glass. “And you’re taking that to heart.”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t know if I would. She wasn’t in her right mind. She probably doesn’t even remember it.”

  Hannah scoffed. “Man, you just don’t get it.”

  Hannah knew Mickey had only had a handful of serious relationships and that she was younger than Hannah was and still playing the field. So she excused her lack of belief. She’d just never been in love like Hannah and Sasha. She’d never experienced that deep down, rip your guts out kind of love.

  “My guts are certainly ripped out,” Hannah whispered.

  “Hmm?”

  Mickey took another bite of her pizza.

  “Nothing.”

  “Look, I guess I just don’t get it. If she’s the one, if you’re so sure and she told you she loved you on her deathbed and so on, then why the fuck weren’t you two happy?”

  “We were. For a long time.” She stared at the red checkered tablecloth and recalled better times. She smiled, despite her current situation. “We really were.”

  “Well, what happened?”

  “Me. I fucked it all up.”

  “It couldn’t have been all you, Hannah.”

  “No, I really think it was.” She met her gaze. “I think Sasha’s right. I’m depressed.” She’d even seen a therapist at Sasha’s request. And though she’d learned that her own illness and Sasha’s as well, had deeply frightened her and caused her to pull away, she’d done nothing the therapist had recommended to help. Maybe it was time she put those suggestions into motion. It couldn’t hurt could it? She could exercise. She could stop all the drinking and the running from her emotions. Would she though? Would she actually try and do it?

  Mickey pushed her plate away and sighed.

  “What?”

  “You have been different lately. Like for a long time lately. But I thought it was because Sasha nagged you?”

  Hannah thought back and remembere
d all the times she’d met up with Mickey and complained about Sasha constantly nagging her to do things. To do anything to show she had some life left within her. She’d taken it personally and blamed Sasha, treating her like an unhappy wife who was always looking for excuses to complain.

  But now, looking back, she knew it was her. She’d shut down. Shut off.

  Her battle with breast cancer. Losing her father. And then Freddie Mercury. It had all overwhelmed her and sucked any remaining life out of her, and she’d just lost her will to live. She’d just drank and merely existed.

  “Sasha did nag. But that’s because she’d been unhappy. Because of me.”

  “You have been pretty low. Even I’ve been concerned.”

  Hannah nodded. “I know.”

  “I’m still concerned. You look like hell, you rarely smile. I’ve tried to be a good friend. I listen and I try to get you to do things. I try to get you to laugh.”

  “You have been a good friend, Mick. And I appreciate that more than you know.”

  “I don’t like you blaming everything on yourself. You went through a really rough time.”

  “Yes, but it wasn’t fair of me to just shut Sasha out like I did. I should’ve handled things differently.” She buried her head in her hands.

  “What are you going to do? Is there anything I can do?”

  “I don’t know. I just don’t know. One thing I do know though, is that I have to change on my own. I have to better myself. I just hope I can.”

  Chapter Eight

  “Call me if you need anything before tomorrow,” Charlie said, handing over a business card. “I mean it, day or night.”

  “Thanks.” Sasha took the card and met her heavy gaze. Charlie had the brightest blue eyes she’d ever seen, and she couldn’t help but want to stare. In fact she felt a little breathless, and she was beginning to wonder if it was her condition or something more. Something like Charlie. But she reminded herself that she had felt weak and a little off for days. And receiving the antibiotic did seem to wear her out. It took what felt like forever for it to completely drain into her, and the damn liquid was like ice going into her body because it had to be kept cold. She hugged herself as Charlie stood from the couch to spread a light throw blanket over her. She once again felt her forehead.

  “Mm, I’m still a little concerned about that fever. So I’ll be back before noon tomorrow.” She smiled a brilliant smile, and Sasha felt herself blush. It had been a long time since she’d found herself attracted to anyone, and admitting that brought on a bag of mixed feelings. After all, they were in Hannah’s home, and she was interacting with Hannah once again, where memories and feelings she’d long ago buried were trying to surface. Charlie, it seemed, couldn’t have walked into her life at a more confusing time.

  Was it wrong to be attracted to her? She knew it wasn’t, but she’d seen the jealousy on Hannah’s face. It was a look that had cut her deeply just before it burned her with anger. How dare Hannah be jealous when she had had her chance to prove she wanted to be with her? She’d had months, days, years. And the second Sasha found someone a little heart fluttering, Hannah reacted like someone tore her heart out? Acted like she still had a say. What gave her the right?

  Sasha tried to put herself in Hannah’s shoes. Would she be jealous in the same situation? Yes. But would she try to interfere? She didn’t know. She just knew that Hannah had no right. Whether she was interested in Charlie or not.

  She closed her eyes and clutched the blanket tight to her chest. She knew her interest was piqued. But what it meant, she didn’t know. Could she honestly be with someone other than Hannah?

  She prayed for warmth and thought back to Hannah coming home after her double mastectomy. Her heart had bled for her, and Hannah had fought her tooth and nail when she’d tried to comfort her or care for her. It had been a side to Hannah she’d never seen. She was so cranky and so lost she’d insisted Sasha sleep on the couch, and night after night, Sasha had heard her crying in her sleep. She’d tried to go to her the first night to wrap her arms around her and hold her tight, but Hannah had screamed at her to get out. Sasha had scrambled out, crying and confused and hurting so badly for the woman she loved. She’d often wondered if they’d taken her heart when they’d taken the cancer. Sometimes it seemed that way.

  Sasha felt her body grow warm and heavy despite the chills that racked through her. She was just about lost in sleep when she heard someone enter and kneel next to her. Through heavy, blinking eyelids, Sasha saw Hannah’s face. She looked distraught and as if she’d been crying.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  But Hannah shook her head. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

  “No, I’m too tired.”

  “I’ll get you.” Hannah scooped her up before she could protest. Sasha wrapped her arms around her neck and buried her face in her shoulder. She caught her scent, and tears of her own formed in the corners of her eyes. She could feel her strength, her warmth. And she noticed something else. She didn’t smell like alcohol.

  “You didn’t drink,” Sasha said as Hannah set her gently on the bed and tucked her in. Sasha was sure Hannah had run out to go drink with Mickey just as she’d done the past two years of their relationship.

  “I don’t do that anymore,” she said.

  Sasha felt the surprise of the statement, but she was too tired to talk about it. Instead she drifted off to sleep, gripping Hannah’s arm.

  * * *

  Sasha awoke to the smell of bacon and maple syrup. She groaned, almost convinced she was dreaming. Finally, hunger churned in her belly and she sat up and pushed off her covers. She was so excited to have some real food, she nearly fell when she tried to stand too quickly to ease into her slippers. She half fell against the wall causing commotion but then was able to walk on her own. She winced at the pinch of the PICC line and thought how good it would feel to have a bath. She still felt like the hospital was on her, the smell of it in her hair and on her skin. Her hand and her inner elbow were bruised from IV lines, and blood still stained her in some of those areas. She was almost sure someone could scrape the film of the hospital off of her it was so thick. Yes, a bath would be wonderful.

  Someone had obviously heard her dance with the wall because she could hear them hurrying down the hallway. Hannah appeared with a look of worry on her face.

  “Everything okay?”

  Sasha brushed past her. “Fine.”

  “I thought I heard you fall.”

  “I’m okay.” She wasn’t about to admit to losing her balance. She already couldn’t stand being treated like a baby. For some reason Hannah was jumping at every little need, and it confused her more than anything. The Hannah she’d come to know recently would’ve cared, yes, but she wouldn’t have gone out of her way to do so like this Hannah was doing. And if Hannah thought caring for her in this manner after all this time was going to heal things between them, she had another thing coming.

  Sasha heard Hannah follow her down the hallway to the kitchen where the scents of a fresh breakfast came alive.

  “This smells so damn good,” Sasha said.

  Hannah pulled out a chair for her at the table. “Please, sit.”

  Sasha did so. “Since when are you such a gentleman? You haven’t done that in years.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Just felt like doing it is all.” Hannah moved to the stove where she cracked eggs and whisked them quickly in a bowl. “I hope you still prefer scrambled,” she said as she poured the liquid in the pan.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Sasha said. “Right now I’d eat anything.”

  Hannah laughed. “Hospital food was pretty bad wasn’t it?”

  Sasha smoothed the handwoven placemat they bought together at Pier One. She swallowed against a tightening throat. “You have no idea.”

  “I actually caught sight of some of the stuff they served you. It looked and smelled pretty awful.”

  Sasha glanced up at her. “You…saw? When?”
>
  Hannah stirred the eggs. “When I was there.”

  “And when was that?”

  Hannah fell quiet. Then she turned and spooned the scrambled eggs onto two plates.

  “Hannah?”

  “I came at night, mostly. Knowing no one would be there. Other times I snuck in while you were sleeping and your mother was in the cafeteria.”

  “But why? Why not let someone see you? Why not say hello to me?”

  Hannah replaced the pan on the stove and slid some bacon and small pancakes onto their plates. She carried them to the table, set them down, and then rounded the counter once again for silverware and juice. When she came back to the table, she sat and unfolded a cloth napkin to spread on her lap.

  “I wanted to be alone with you. And as for not saying hello, you were sleeping.”

  Sasha wasn’t sure what to think. All this time she’d thought Hannah hadn’t been there as much as everyone else. What else didn’t she know?

  “So you came after all,” Sasha said softly.

  Hannah sipped her juice. “Of course. Wild horses couldn’t keep me away.”

  “I thought—I thought you didn’t care.”

  Hannah stared at her and then seemed to grow uncomfortable. “It hurts to know you thought such a thing.”

  “Well, maybe if you would’ve come at a decent time, like everyone else.”

  “And what? Sit there with your mother while she grilled me on our breakup and separation? Try to answer questions about our future and why you never told her we were separated? I couldn’t do it, Sash. You know how she is, and God forbid I said something you didn’t want said.”

  Hannah took a bite of bacon, letting her know she was finished with her response. And by the way she chewed, like an angry animal with fire in her eyes, she let her know she preferred not to talk about it anymore.

  “You’re right. I didn’t think of that.”

  Sasha bit into her own bacon, but the wonderful flavor was lost as she thought about the stupid assumption she’d made about Hannah and then again when she’d accused her of not showing up at a decent time. Hannah had a point. Her mother would’ve given her the third degree, and Sasha would’ve had a fit if Hannah had answered without her input.